Week 1 Recap

Not the hero we needed...Not the hero we deserved...Just the one who could catch a flight on Thursday morning

🏈 Rondy Royal Rumble – Week 1 Recap 🏈

“Football is back. So is regret.”

🍦 Any Given Sundae vs. Tua 3, 4 Concussions

Things started well enough for Andy—Brandon Aubrey did what kickers do, and Ladd McConkey put up solid early points. Meanwhile, Adam came out hot, thanks to Jalen Hurts dropping 25 on Thursday night. But the heat faded fast.

By Sunday, Adam’s roster looked like a group project where everyone forgot to do their part. Kenneth Walker, Ja'Marr Chase, and Brian Thomas Jr. all ghosted him with single digits, while Andy’s mid-tier mafia—Achane, Chuba, and Sutton—piled on high teens.

Lamar Jackson iced it on Sunday night with a cool 30 points, giving Andy the win and reminding everyone why he’s the defending champ.

Adam was the only manager to not hit 100 points. Remember when he had the first overall pick? That was cute. 😬

🚗 Team Cady vs. Man DIESEL

Rob’s week started ugly and finished uglier. 14.5 points from three players, including Xavier Worthy—who got injured on his third snap thanks to friendly fire—and AJ Brown, who may or may not have even suited up.

Chad, on the other hand, is here to win the league or die trying. Saquon, Derrick Henry, and Josh Allen combined forces like a fantasy football Power Rangers squad. There’s confidence, and then there’s what Chad has right now—which is bordering on illegal. We’re not saying it’s the smelling salts… but it’s definitely the smelling salts. 🧂💪

🐍 The BIG Show vs. nWo4LIFE

CeeDee Lamb got Chris off to a hot start, and with Dak Prescott putting up a clunker for DJ, things were looking good heading into the weekend. That was until Bo Nix stepped in and somehow managed to out-bad Dak, delivering a performance that felt more like a preseason scrimmage than a real game.

Overall, it was a close match, with no players really going off—just a lot of steady, middle-of-the-road scoring. It all came down to Sunday Night Football. DJ held a narrow lead, and needed James Cook to flop for Chris to fall short. But instead, Cook went off for 21 points and handed Chris a well-earned Week 1 win.

🧨 Tua-Tang Clan vs. X Gon’ Gibbs It To Ya

Jason came out swinging with a classic Mahomes performance—great in fantasy, less so in real football. But DeVonta Smith’s quiet Thursday had him sweating.

Matt, meanwhile, was pacing all afternoon, nervously watching Christian McCaffrey’s injury status like a parent watching their kid at a trampoline park. CMC suited up, and rewarded him with 23 solid points that kept Matt in striking distance.

This one went back and forth until Sunday night, when Jason unleashed Zay Flowers, who put up 28 points and effectively slammed the door. All that was left was the hope of a Hockenson Miracle on Monday night. Spoiler: it didn’t happen. Jason cruises to 1–0.

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💸 Bonus Summary 💸

💯 Weekly High Score

Chad walks away with the Week 1 bonus and a clean $10 after posting 164.5 points. Confidence is high. His ego? Higher.

🧼 Biggest Blowout

It was tight, but Chad edges out Andy for the blowout crown, beating Rob by +56.65. Last year’s top blowout margin was +97.65, so there’s still room for someone to emotionally devastate a league mate in future weeks.

🏃 A Win’s a Win

Chris currently holds this one with a modest 131.5-point win. But historically, you need to win with sub-115 trash numbers to claim this bonus. Still, enjoy the spotlight while it lasts.

☠️ Survivor Pool Watch

As a reminder, the Survivor Pool is a two-week aggregate knockout competition.

• Pretty Sure They’re Safe: Chad (164.5), Andy (149.75), Jason (141.7), Chris (131.5)

• Looking Over Their Shoulder: DJ (112.8), Matt (106.45), Rob (107.85)

• Hanging by a Thread: Adam (98.10)

Week 2 will decide who gets the boot—though let’s be honest, Adam’s already preheating the oven.

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📉 Final Thoughts

Football is back, and so are the terrible decisions that define us.

After just one week, Rob and Adam have plummeted from post-draft glory (1st & 2nd) to ESPN’s sad little 5th and 6th place projections. Meanwhile, Jason, Andy, Chad, and Chris are trending up, while DJ and Matt are stuck in their familiar spot: the basement.

Standings and Power Rankings screenshots are below.

See you next week!