Week 14 Recap

💸 BONUS CLEAN SWEEP

In a move so dominant it bordered on tax fraud, Chad swept the entire bonus board this year, a Rondy Royal Rumble first:

• 🏆 Weekly High Score Leader (4 wins)

• 💀 Biggest Blowout (74.7-point massacre of Rob in Week 8)

• 🤏 A Win’s a Win (pathetic but effective 104-point Week 7 “victory”)

• ☠️ Survivor Pool Winner, thanks to Adam’s Week 14 no-show

Chad is now your fantasy football Djokovic, Secretariat, and Nicklaus all rolled into one… and now only owes $45 in dues. The man is both elite and in debt — a true American success story.

🏆 Weekly High Score — Week 14

Chris finally joins the Bonus Club, dropping 177.10 points in a season-saving, nerve-shattering win over Jason. A Week 14 banger, just in time to make someone else’s season suck more.

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🥊  Matchups

Any Given Sundae vs Tua-Tang Clan

No one cares. Truly. This was the fantasy equivalent of two teams showing up late to a party that’s already been shut down by the cops.

Adam, already locked into the playoffs, played like it. Matt, eliminated weeks ago, played his best football of the season — naturally. Result? A meaningless win for Matt and a "shrug emoji" for Adam.

nWo4LIFE vs Man DIESEL

Chad didn’t just beat DJ — he buried him. And with Matt pulling off a W, the Points For tiebreaker seals it: DJ finishes dead last in the regular season.

The only silver lining for DJ is that last place doesn’t guarantee Toilet Bowl duties. But man, it doesn’t help.

Chad, meanwhile, is rolling. His team looks ready for the postseason bloodbath. Worst-case scenario? He falls to 3rd. Best case? He wins the league,  and never lets anyone hear the end of it.

X Gon’ Gibbs It To Ya vs The BIG Show

This was the Match of the Week. Maybe Match of the Season.

Jason popped off for 173 points and looked like he had the win in hand. But Chris — fueled by JSN's 28, Seattle D’s 20, and waiver wire rando Michael Wilson’s shocking 37-point explosion — put up a 177-point comeback that nobody saw coming.

It all came down to Jason’s final hope: DeVonta Smith on Monday night .And… 7 points.

That’s it. Chris survives. Jason is left staring into the playoff void, wondering how it all slipped away.

Tua 3, 4 Concussions vs Team Cady

Andy has now won 4 of his last 5, and comfortably locks himself into the #3 playoff spot.

Rob, on the other hand, made a valiant move by starting Jayden Daniels — who came back from injury just in time to collapse like his entire team.

Add in single-digit outputs from Bijan, Worthy, Olave, and Kelce, and Rob’s playoff dream is officially on life support.

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🔥 Final Thoughts — Heading into Week 15

✅ Playoff Locks

• Adam (1st or 2nd)

• Chad (1st–3rd)

• Andy (Locked into 3rd)

❗ Playoff Drama

• Chris (7–7, 2,052.15 PF) — currently in 4th, and controls his fate. Win, and he's in. Lose, and the backdoor cracks open.

  
  

• Jason (6–8, 1,977.90 PF) — needs to win, plus a Chris loss, plus a 75-point swing. Tough? Yes. Impossible? Not quite.

  
  

• Rob (6–8, 1,814.15 PF) — needs a miracle involving:

  • A win

  • Chris and Jason both losing

  • A 238-point swing vs. Chris

    
    

    Good luck with that, buddy.

  
  

🚽 Last Place Watch

Reminder: The real punishment comes from the Toilet Bowl, not the regular season standings.

So while DJ has finished last in the standings……the battle for humiliation isn’t over yet. The Toilet still awaits.