Week 2 Recap

🏈 Rondy Royal Rumble – Week 2 Recap

“Some dreams came true. Most rosters did not.”

💀 Man DIESEL vs. Tua 3, 4 Concussions

Chad opened the week with Terry McLaurin giving him a cool, uninspiring 9.8 points on Thursday night. Technically a lead, emotionally a warning sign. After looking untouchable in Week 1, his stock dropped faster than Derrick Henry’s YPC. Speaking of which—2 points from Derrick Henry?! You could’ve swapped him for any Defense and gotten better results.

Andy, meanwhile, did what Andy does—leaned hard on Lamar Jackson and prayed his kicker would carry him, and they both delivered. Lamar had 27 points, and Dallas kicker Brandon Aubrey dropped 23 like it was nothing. With Achane adding 26, Andy stayed alive going into Sunday night.

Andy needed 14 points with two players left, Jefferson underwhelmed (11 points), but Ladd McConkey just barely existed long enough on Monday to get 9.8. That was enough to get the job done.

Andy improves to 2–0, one of only two teams to remain  undefeated. Meanwhile a strong week 1 for Chad has officially been reclassified as a statistical outlier.

☠️ The BIG Show vs. Team Cady

This wasn’t a matchup. It was a crime scene.

Chris’s team didn’t just win—they systematically dismantled Rob’s like a team of IRS auditors on Red Bull. From top to bottom, nearly every player on Chris’s squad met or exceeded projections, with James Cook leading the way like he had a bonus clause tied to emotionally destroying Rob.

Speaking of Rob, other than Bijan Robinson and the Seahawks Defense (aka his second-best player), the rest of his team performed like they were being held hostage. When your D/ST is outscoring your entire WR corps, you don’t need help—you need a spiritual cleanse.

Chris moves to 2–0, standing proudly next to Andy on the undefeated podium, and looks like a title threat.

Rob is seriously considering having a third child so they can manage his team.

🤕 nWo4LIFE vs. Tua-Tang Clan

Two 0–1 teams entered. Only one could escape the shame pit of being 0–2. And this one? It got ugly in all the right ways.

DJ got a boost from Malik Nabers dropping 37 out of nowhere and Dak Prescott remembering he gets fantasy points for checkdowns. But Matt brought the heat early with a 39-point nuclear blast from Amon-Ra St. Brown, giving him a 30-point cushion heading into Sunday night.

Then came the limp. TJ Hockenson gave Matt 2 points and a headache, leaving the door cracked. DJ needed 32+ on Monday from Bucky Irving, Ashton Jeanty, and Jakobi Meyers (Key & Peele East-West Bowl sketch, anyone….?)

Miraculously, it worked. By the skin of his waiver wire, DJ clawed to 127–122, earning his first win and booting Matt into “maybe next year” territory.

💪 Any Given Sundae vs. X Gon’ Gibbs It To Ya

The heavyweight slugfest of the week. Two contenders trading haymakers like it was Rocky vs. Apollo, but with more spreadsheets.

• QB Battle – Hurts vs. Mahomes: Mahomes put up big numbers despite being bad at actual football. The flip side of that coin was Jalen Hurts, winning football matches, but disappointing his fantasy managers.

  Advantage: Jason

  
  

• RBs – JT & KW3 vs. Gibbs & Kamara: 48 points for Adam’s duo, 35 for Jason’s. Both outstanding, but Adam’s RB room takes it.

  Advantage: Adam

  
  

• WRs – Chase, BTJ, Tet vs. Puka, Higgins, Flowers: Chase remembered who he is (36 points), and Adam’s WRs combined for 61. Jason’s put up a solid 57, led by Puka’s 27 points. Another close one, but Adam edges it.

  Still Advantage: Adam

  
  

• TEs – McBride vs. Bowers: A classic showdown between the top 2 Tight Ends in fantasy football.  McBride was fine, a decent 13.8 points. Bowers was a gamble for Jason, with the Monday night Questionable tag hanging over him. Jason risked not being able to field a complete lineup, with everyone on his bench already played, and his IR spot filled. But Bowers suited up... and gave Jason 8 points.

  Advantage: Adam

  
  

In the end, Jason put up the 3rd most points this week, but fantasy football isn’t fair. Adam led the league in scoring, going from worst to first in 7 days flat.

Jason was great. Unfortunately, Adam was God. (who writes this stuff?)

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Week 2 ESPN Power Rankings

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💸 Bonus Round

💯 Weekly High Score

After being the only team to not crack 100 last week, Adam turned it all around. He finishes Week 2 at the top, takes the $10 bonus, and reminds us all why fantasy football is basically psychological warfare.

🧼 Biggest Blowout

Chris destroyed Rob by 55 points, falling just short of Chad’s 56.65 margin from Week 1. A dominant victory, but Chad holds on to this bonus, for now.

🏃 A Win’s a Win

DJ now holds the lead that no one brags about—winning with only 127.65 points. The real victory was scoring just enough to break someone’s spirit.

☠️ Survivor Pool Watch

Adam’s Week 2 redemption arc saved him from elimination, climbing from bottom-feeder to 3rd highest in Points For. That left DJ, Matt, and Rob circling the drain. In the end, Rob took the plunge and becomes our first Survivor Pool casualty.

⚠️ Reminder: Survivor resets every 2 weeks. Weeks 3 & 4 are a fresh hell.

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📉 Final Thoughts

Stars are underperforming. Injuries are piling up. Waiver wires are about to look like a scene from Mad Max. Week 3 looms large, and trust is already shattered.

Start your prayers. Start your trades.