Week 3 Recap

🏈 Rondy Royal Rumble – Week 3 Recap

“We do this for fun, apparently.”

❌ X Gon’ Gibbs It To Ya vs. Tua 3, 4 Concussions

Let’s call this one what it was: a bloodbath disguised as a box score.

Jason's team wandered into this matchup like they mistook Sunday for a bye week. Sure, Gibbs and Puka showed flashes, but the rest of his roster looked like they’d pre-gamed kickoff with NyQuil.

Meanwhile, Andy’s squad rolled in like a fully operational fantasy Death Star. Lamar Jackson did Lamar things, but the real MVP? The Vikings Defense. Yes, the defense. 32 points, which is exactly 31 more than you expected.

Andy remains the only undefeated team at 3–0, sipping cocktails at the top. Jason falls to 1–2, just outside the playoffs, —but might need to check if his starters have been secretly swapped for NPCs.

🧊 nWo4LIFE vs. Any Given Sundae

The #1 draft pick met the #8 draft pick. Guess which one showed up?

DJ’s team looked like it was running a reverse points strategy. Five players—including the kicker—scored fewer points than his defense, which is fantasy's way of blinking S.O.S. in Morse code.

Adam, meanwhile, didn’t just win—he put on a clinic. The result? A +68-point evisceration and a fresh entry in the “should I even keep playing?” fantasy annals. DJ’s roster may never recover. Time to change that team name to “nWo4LIFE SUPPORT.”

Adam vaults into 4th Place. DJ? Let’s just say “not technically in last” isn’t the motivational banner he was hoping for.

🧹 Team Cady vs. Tua-Tang Clan

This was far from a toilet bowl, despite both teams showing up to this match as the only winless teams in the league. In fact, both of these squads showed serious signs of life.

Matt, poor Matt, finally showed signs of life—putting up the third-most points this week. And what does he get for it? A matchup against Rob, the Big Swinging Dick of Week 3, who pulled the weekly high score out of absolutely nowhere.

Rob’s kicker was his second-highest scorer, and his Seahawks D/ST dropped 17 like it was 2013. The rest of the squad delivered just enough for a well-rounded, if slightly suspicious, outburst of competence.

Matt becomes the league’s last remaining 0–3 team—but don’t let the record fool you. He’s got points. He’s got upside. He’s just got zero wins. That’s fantasy.

🔨 Man DIESEL vs. The BIG Show

The clash of the CAPS LOCK titans.

Chris came into this one riding high at 2–0. Chad came in looking to bounce back from a Week 2 embarrassment. This one felt personal. And when the dust settled, Josh Allen and Garrett Wilson came through for Chad, while the rest of his roster did enough to take care of business.

Chris, meanwhile, took a double gut-punch: not just the loss, but two of his studs left with injuries. James Conner’s season is over, and CeeDee Lamb could be out for weeks. If you see suspicious trade offers in your inbox, now you know why.

Both teams are now 2–1. But the momentum? That’s riding shotgun with Chad.

Updated ESPN Projections after week 3. Not sure what's worse, falling from 1st to 6th, or never moving an inch from 7th or 8th....

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💸 Bonus Round

💯 Weekly High Score

Rob’s team exploded for the top score of Week 3, proving that even broken clocks—and broken lineups—are right once a season. He pockets $10, and more importantly, relevance.

🧼 Biggest Blowout

Adam absolutely demolished DJ by 68 points, setting a new 2025 benchmark for humiliation. DJ is going to need therapy… or a kicker with upside.

🏃 A Win’s a Win

Still no new low to dethrone DJ’s infamous 127.6 point victory in Week 2.He’s the world’s tallest dwarf, the weakest strongman at the circus, or the winner of a vegan hot dog eating contest…Sure, it counts—but we’re not framing it.

☠️ Survivor Pool Watch

Rob was the first to go in Week 2. Now DJ’s on the ropes, trailing Jason by 19. Unless someone has an epic meltdown next week (which we’ve seen before), DJ will be going for an early shower.

📉 Final Thoughts

The season is officially unhinged:

Contenders rising, Pretenders flailing, Matt praying for divine intervention—or at least a soft matchup.

Star players are ghosting, Waiver wires are chaos, And somehow, a defense scored 32 points.

Week 4 approaches... Trade bait is heating up, and the group chat is one Farley Rule violation away from a full-scale mutiny.