Week 2 Recap

Win’s a Win Bonus

No change here, Jason is still in the lead with his week 1 score of 119. I previously said that he probably won’t hold it, as historically this bonus goes to a sub-100 score that still manages to win. But I forgot about the extra WR slot this year, Jason could very well hold on to this one.

Biggest Blowout Bonus

Matt came very close to taking the lead, beating DJ by 60.95 points, but Adam ripped Trash Panda to shreds by 66.75 points, so he ousts Josh for now.

Weekly High Score Bonus

Adam takes this one too, scoring a monstrous 190.15 points

Survivor

Matt looked done and dusted last week with his 107 score line, but he bounced back in a big way in week 2, with 161 points. DJ and Jason both failed to pick up enough points in week 2 to get ahead of Matt.  They finished within 2.3 points of each other, in the 2 week aggregate. Sadly, we must say goodbye to the Trash Panda. Better luck next year!

Now on to the week 2 matchups!

Puttin' on the Ritz (Adam) vs. Trash Panda (Jason)

Adam started the week facing a tough decision: he mulled over whether to start Achane, with the running back coming off an injury, not practicing during the week, and facing an early Thursday night game. Like a true wise sage, he trusted in common sense—or maybe he just blacked out close to kickoff. Whatever happened, it worked, and he rode Miami’s running back to a smooth 29.5 points, happier than a guy who found the only free parking spot in Miami Beach. Meanwhile, Jason’s Miami hopes were crushed as Tyreek Hill’s production was suddenly arrested.  Maybe Hill heard the Miami PD’s warnings to “slow down” and took it a bit too literally. Instead of soaring to victory, Jason was metaphorically handcuffed to a big fat L this week.

Adam entered Sunday already a 66% favorite, and he didn’t have to wait for Monday night’s Jalen Hurts vs. Saquon Barkley showdown to claim his victory. Justin Jefferson, DK Metcalf, Trey McBride, and Rashee Rice all showed up like they were trying to get prom king votes, while Jason’s lineup gave the kind of performance that makes you wonder if they even showed up at all…  Aiyuk, Worthy, and Kelce? More like Ai-yuck, Not-Worthy, and Kel-see-ya-never. Adam's squad mopped the floor with Jason’s team, making Monday night's matchup completely irrelevant.

The Josh Allen Show (Chris) vs. Team Cady (Rob)

Chris must’ve been praying to the football gods that his beloved 1st round pick, Josh Allen, would carry his team on his majestic buffalo wings. Unfortunately, Allen barely flew higher than a kite in a vacuum. Even Anthony Richardson, who spent more time throwing interceptions than passes for Rob’s team, put up nearly the same amount of points.

Rob, meanwhile, unleashed James Cook, who promptly turned Chris’s dreams into burnt toast by being the highest-scoring player in the matchup. Rob walked into Sunday a 61% favorite and walked out like a golfer with 18 Greens-in-Regulation: 100% in control. Chris, on the other hand, is left wondering if he should Google “fantasy football therapy groups."

nWo4LIFE (DJ) vs. Tua-Tang Clan (Matt)

DJ’s week was a bit like buying front-row concert tickets, only to find out the concert is on Zoom. He flew to Miami to witness the destruction in person, both of the Dolphins and his fantasy team. DJ's squad is a Miami-themed disaster—he started Jaylen Waddle, who waddled off the field with a sad 8 points, and the Miami Defense, which was non-existent. He wisely left Raheem Mostert and Jonnu Smith on the bench, which was probably the best move he made all week. But nothing could save DJ from the massive sinkhole that is his team’s injury report. Mixon, St. Brown, Love, Mostert, Hollywood Brown, and Puka Nacua? The injury bug didn’t just bite DJ; it grabbed his entire team by the ankles and dragged them into fantasy purgatory, leaving him about as healthy as a McDonald’s Dollar Menu.

Despite both teams having players going Monday night, this matchup was long over by Sunday. Matt’s rookie sensation Marvin Harrison Jr. decided to show up and go nuclear, dropping 29 points in the first quarter alone. The match was over, and DJ was left holding his crumpled MIA > ROC flight ticket wondering where it all went wrong.

THE Gimpledaumus (Josh) vs. Tua 3, 4 Concussions (Andy)

Andy’s team name change to “Tua 3, 4 Concussions” may have been his best move of the week. Christian McCaffrey hit the IR, and Andy was left to lean on Alvin Kamara and Ezekiel Elliott, who couldn’t have had more opposite results. Kamara lit it up, with 44 points, but Zeke looked more like a senior citizen at a flag football game.

Josh was sitting pretty as a 58% favorite going into Sunday, but the 4 o’clock games happened, and suddenly Josh’s chances plummeted to a measly 2%. But just when we thought the fat lady was about to sing, Fairbairn decided to channel his inner superhero, nailing four super-long field goals to pull Josh out of the abyss. With a kicker as his only hope, Josh's odds skyrocketed back to 53%. It all came down to DeVonta Smith on Monday night, needing to score 17.3 points to give Andy the win. With AJ Brown out of the game, Devonta got fed, giving Andy the win and leaving Josh dizzy, confused, and considering retirement.

That's it for week 2, good luck to everyone in week 3!